The Horror Cr(yp)tic

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA

2009-07-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings, everyone.

The horror film for today is a pretty famous one: Bram Stoker's Dracula starring Gary Oldman as the Count, Winona Ryder as Mina Harker, and surprisingly enough Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker. Finally, there is Anthony Hopkins as Van Helsing.

I have heard about this movie my whole life, but hadn't seen it until yesterday. I have heard that it's slow, boring, shitty, quick, exciting, and awesome.

How was it?

Well...

I thought it was really well done!

Having read the novel in Junior High (if you haven't read it, you really should) I can't remember all of the details of the novel, but I can say that what I do remember was portrayed rather acuretly (especially the scene of Jonathan shaving and Dracula coming up behind it). The only thing that was changed drastically was the sometimes excessive amounts of sexual material in the film. The film really strays away from the novel towards the last half, but i thought the way they changed everything was unique and gave the film it's own identity.

I loved the effects (all practical, by the way) and I especially loved how Dracula's shadow was it's own character, moving independently of it's host. The effects of Dracula's wolf and bat forms were interesting ways to convey his transformative powers. Rather than being a normal animal form, he was a monstrous hybrid fusing the respective beast with Gary Oldman's distinct features.

But how does it fair against the other Dracula films?

Trying to compare this film to them is extremely difficult, because it really doesn't try to be like any other Dracula movie. Whereas the Bela Lugosi one is a classic, and the Christopher Lee's take the original to another level, this one throws it's own unique spin on it but still being recognizable as a Dracula film. Gary Oldman was a fantastic Dracula, that didn't feel like a parody of other actor's performances.

Overall thoughts: A film that stands apart from other incarnations, and succeeds. Definitley worth a look if you can get a chance.

8.5/10

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: NIGHT OF THE DEMONS SERIES

2009-05-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome once again.

With a promising sounding remake on the way, I'm going to let you guys know about an over-the-top, original series of obscure horror movies called Night of The Demons.

Night of The Demons 1If you ever want to see the flat-out cheesiest, stupidest, most so-awful-it's-awesome movie, this is the one.

The local hot goth chick Angela is throwing a halloween party in a haunted house, and everyone there gets posessed by demons from hell...

And that's it. That is the whole plot of the movie. Deep!

Regardless of it's simple premise, this is an EXTREMELY enjoyable movie if you want to shut off your brain and absorb horrible acting and loads of gratuitous nudity and gore.

best part (tie): Angela dancing to the awesome Bauhaus song "Stigmata Martyr" and teleporting round the room/ Linnea Quigley posessed and eating a tube of lipstick with her nipple (yeah... you read that right).
worst part: the heroine of the story constantly whining "Jaaaay..." in a really annoying way.

8/10

Night of The Demons 2this one was actually really good. Most sequels to horror movies never live up to the original (we'll just ignore Pumpkinhead's sequels) but this one had pretty well done effects, and surprisingly good acting for a horror movie.

the plot regards a return to the house by a group of students at a catholic school, and the main character is Angela's Sister, named Mouse. She is having nightmarish visions of Angela returning to her, to return from the demon world.

All in all, i can never really decide if i like this one over the first. It's way less stupid than the first one, but it's much slower with a really anti-climactic ending. A worthy sequel in any way.

best part: Angela slaughtering a dance full of students at the end.
worst part: the most attractive of the female leads is the only one who doesn't get naked. It's a horror movie! She has to!

8/10

Night of The Demons 3to but it bluntly, this one fucking sucks.

The plot is a group of kids escape a shoot-out, thinking they killed a cop, and they hide out in Angela's house (well... kinda) and get killed off by her.

God this movie blows. I've watched this one TWICE compared to about 5 or 6 times with the other two. (The first time to watch it to complete the series, the second to see if it sucked shit as much as i remembered which it indeed does).

There really isn't anything redeeming about this movie, save for Amelia Kinkade looked phenomenal for her age and the wonders she can do with a pistol.

best part: the gunfight in the conveniance store.
worst part: everything else?

4/10

Oh, and by the way: the upcoming remake (October 9, 2009) has Edward Furlong and Shannon Elizabeth (Shannon Elizabeth is the new Angela!). That, and the fucking awesome band 45 Grave is doing the soundtrack. Can't wait for it.

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: FRONTIER(S)

2009-04-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

welcome to another review of all things Horror- the old and the new, the great and the shitty, and the famous and obscure. Today's film is a French NC-17 film called Frontier(s).HOLY SHIT. THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING CRAZY.

Intended originally for the After Dark Horrorfest but was disqualified (because of it's NC-17 rating) the film got an extremely limited theater release before going to video. The movie starts at a riot, where the main characters (a pregnant girl named Yasmine, her ex-boyfriend, and his two partners-in-crime) are trying to escape. Yasmine and her ex go one way out of Paris and their friends go the other way.

The two other guys discover an Inn where they befriend the two lovely female workers. They all eventually have sex, and then they run across their brothers. The brothers vicously attack the two out of towners, and they barely escape with their lives. Yasmine and her ex do the same, and become embroiled into the Innkeeper family, discovering they are in fact a group of psychopathic Neo-Nazis. What follows is 2 hours of the most brutal, sadistic, intense violence i have ever seen in any movie (and not in a cartoony, Dead-Alive way. this movie takes itself REALLY seriously).

This movie will kick you in the balls, and while your gasping for air it will throw you down and curb-stomp you. Watching it the whole way through took a lot of determination, I had to sit throught a lot of rough stuff.

Is it any good? Yes, It is a very well made movie, the mood is perfect, and it's pretty unpredictable. It's pretty much what Hostel should have been. Just make sure you have a strong stomach and strong force of will.

7/10

The Hororror Cr(yp)tic: TOP 6 SIMPSONS "TREEHOUSE OF HORRORS" EPISODES

2009-03-27T12:31:00.001-07:00

I'm Back!

And I have a special Top 6 here. As everyone in the whole world knows, The Simpsons is the greatest cartoon of all time (unless you're crazy, and think Family Guy is) and the best time episodes of the Simpsons are easily the Treehouse of Horror episodes (y'know, back when they were shown BEFORE Halloween. Up yours, Major League Baseball for screwing that up). So today, i'm going to go over the Top 6 funniest and most memorable episodes.

6. Treehouse of Horrors XWhile it's true that the best Simpsons episodes were the middle seasons, there are a few newer episodes that are really funny. Treehouse X is no exception. The first skit, "I Know What you Diddily-iddily-id" is a combined parody of several famous horror films. The Simpsons run over Flanders while driving, who unknown to them is actually a werewolf. The second skit, "Desperately Xeeking Xena" is one of the most memorable episodes whit Lucy Lawless being kidnapped by The Collector and it's up to the Fantastic Four-inspired Stretch-Dude and Clobber Girl to save her. The final skit, "Life's A Glitch, Then You Die" is a pretty clever Y2K/Maximum Overdrive parody but not the funniest. Though the finale involving Homer trapped on a rocket full of the most annoying celebrities to ever exist was extremely funny.

5. Treehouse of Horrors IThe first of the annual Halloween specials, and the one that started it all. The first skit "Bad Dream House" is a perfect mixture of The Fall of The House Of Usher, Poltergeist, and The Amityville Horror. The ending of this skit is one of my favorite moments of the series. The Next skit is the first to feature regular Treehouse guest stars Kang and Kodos in "Hungry Are The Damned", a parody of the classic Twilight Zone episode "To Serve Man. My least favorite of the three skits. The final skit, however, is my favorite of the three: their perfect rendition of Edgar Allen Poe's classic "The Raven".

4. Treehouse of Horrors IVOpening with a parody of the show Night Gallery, Bart leads us into three diverse stories. The first, "The Devil and Homer Simpson" is a classic episode where Homer sells his soul to Satan-Flanders in exchange for a doughnut, and has to pay the price for him being such an idiot. The second skit "Nightmare at 5 1/2 Feet" is a hilarious parody of one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes and also it ruins the Gremlin car forever. The final skit "Bart Simpson's Dracula" is a great parody of Salem's Lot, The Lost Boys, and obviously Bram Stoker's Dracula. A great all around episode, with the best interludes of the series.

3. Treehouse of Horrors VIWhile the first skit is really forgettable ("Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores") The second and third skits are damn-near flawless. The second is one of my all-time favorites, "Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace", mainly because i'm such a huge fan of Nightmare on Elm Street. The third skit, "Homer3" is one of the most genius moments of the entire simpsons series.

2. Treehouse of Horrors IIIThis episode has always had a special place in my heart, since it's one of the first episodes of Simpsons I ever saw, and one of two (the other being Treehouse V) that i had on home video. "Clown Without Pity" a great Chucky/Puppet Master parody, has one of my favorite scenes of any episode which is the "Frogurt" scene. "King Homer" is a classic, and the scenes with Smithers and Burns are hilarious (especially the knock-out grenade scene). And then there's "Dial Z For Zombies", which has the best Homer/Flanders scene EVER.

1. Treehouse of Horrors Veasily, without question, the best Halloween episode. There is nothing i need to say about "The Shinning" that hasn't already been said. Pure Genius. The second act, "Time and Punishment" is perfect and one of my favorite parts of the episode being the cameo of Mr. Peabody. The third act, "Nightmare Cafeteria", isn't as funny as the other two but it holds it's own. To Finish off the episode, it has one of the most bizarre scenes of the series (The Skinless musical number).

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: KILLER PAD

2009-01-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

ooh, boy...

Well, this little gem stars a few actors you've seen in dozens of movies but don't know any of their names, but throws a curveball at your face by having recognizable actors that show up without warning, like Bobby Lee, Joey lawrence, Jeff Davis, and of all people Andy Milonakis.

The "plot"? well, three guys move into a beutiful house in the hollywood hills, and it turns out it's controlled by Satan.

oh, i forgot to mention it's directed by ROBERT ENGLUND! that's right, Freddy Krueger directed this movie.

Well, there really isn't too much to say about this movie. It's like a mixture of American Pie, Poltergeist, and Dude Where's My Car. So it's EXTREMELY stupid, but at times it is actually kind of funny with lines like "We're going to send you evil hoes back to hell!" and "You know what would be funny? If you took your top off and I saw your breasts, and I was like, "Hey, I can't believe you did that."

Is it any good? No. Is it funny? kind of. but it's stupidly entertaining in it's own right, and hey, the girl that plays Satan is extremely pretty. Watch if it you want to shut off your brain for an hour or two.

5/10

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D

2009-01-22T11:22:00.000-08:00

welcome to another review of all things Horror- the old and the new, the great and the shitty, and the famous and obscure. Today's film is the remake of the 1980 slasher film My Bloody Valentine 3D.

Now, I've never seen the original. I'm aware of it's existance, but my knowledge of it is limited. Now going into the 3D remake, one question arrises.

Is it any good?

Very much so. The movie deals with a town called Harmony, a mining town that was plagued by the murders of former miner Harry Warden. Now, several years later, Harry has come back to bring murder and destruction to the town. But is it really Harry, or an imposter?

This was the first 3D movie i've seen since i was like 6, so it was a unique experience. The gimmicky nature of the 3D and the overall cheesiness of the movie makes it really work. Horror films are a great vehicle for 3D movies.

The greatest reason to see this movie? Tom Atkins is in it! That's right, the "Thrill Me!" cop from the fucking awesome 80's horror comedy Night of The Creeps. That alone was worth the price of admission. That dude rules.

The movie is not without it's share of problems, though. I was sitting a little too high, so all the stuff coming out of the screen aimed towards my neck as opposed to my eyes. Also, the movie is pretty predictable, and the acting is questionable at times. Either way, it was a fun, entertaining, badass tribute to campy 80's horror, and i loved it.

7.5/10

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: ED WOOD'S LEGACY FINALE

2009-01-21T13:50:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the final installment of Ed Wood's Legacy. Today, the movie will be Tim Burton's biopic, ED WOOD.

Portrayed by Johnny Depp, the film centers on Ed Wood's struggle to release Glen or Glenda, Bride of The Monster, and ultimately Plan 9. The film stars the brilliant Martin landau as a perfect Bela Lugosi (winning the Oscar for best actor for his performance), Sarah Jessica Parker as Dolores Fuller, and many others.

The film shows off just how difficult it was for Ed to release his pictures, from having his whole crew be baptized just so a church could fund Plan 9, or running out of money 3 days into shooting Bride of The Monster, the movie balances tragedy, humor, insight, and parody all at once. While all of this is going on, Ed Wood is charismatic and upbeat, and his personality is mostly what got him his movies funded. The film also shows his attempt to help the ailing Bela Lugosi kick his morphine addiction.

If i had to pick one, i would have to say that this movie is my favorite of all time. It shows you that if you have a dream, and a vision, that artistic integrity is more important than what anyone else says on it's quality. I can't recommend this movie enough.

10/10

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: ED WOOD'S LEGACY PART 3

2009-01-18T13:59:00.000-08:00

Welcome to another installment into Ed Wood's quirky films. Today, i'll be going over his most famous films, his horror trilogy.

First up is Bride of The Monsterstarring Bela Lugosi as Dr. Eric Vornoff, Tor Johnson as Lobo, and Paul Marco as the fan-favorite Patrolman Kelton.

Originally titled Bride of The Atom, Dr. Vornoff is trying to breed a race of "Atomic Supermen" to conquer the world, with the help of his gargantuan lab assistant Lobo. Kelton and the police try to stop him and Dr. Vornoff sends his giant octopus monster on them, but he himself becomes a victim of his own creations.

There really isn't too much to say about this one. Bela Lugosi does a fantastic job as always, and the introduction of Paul Marco and Tor Johnson is a welcome addition. The first half of the film is really slow, but the end shines with an explosive climax (literally).

Up next is the film that Ed Wood is most famous for, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE.

Originally titled Graverobbers from Outer Space, Starring Vampira, Tor Johnson, the psychic Criswell, Paul Marco (as Kelton the cop), Lyle Talbot, and "almost starring Bela Lugosi", This movie is highly regarded as the "Worst Movie of All Time". The film is about Aliens trying to conquer Earth by using Plan 9: The Reanimation of Earth's Dead. Zombies and Aliens in the same movie? Awesome!... even though there is only three zombies. They are actually trying to destroy the Earth because the aliens believe we will create a bomb that detonates sunlight, thus destroying the universe.

The most infamous mistake in the film is that because of Bela Lugosi's death in the very early stages of filming, Ed Wood's wife's chiropractor filled in for Lugosi by holding a cape in front of his face(though the guy looks nothing like Lugosi). Scenes alternate between day and night in the same shot, obviously fake flying saucers (with visible strings) appear over pictures of Hollywood, characters knock over pieces of the set, Tor Johnson gets stuck coming out of his grave, and almost none of the lines make any sense ("Remember my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future." "I'm muzzled by army brass!") and dozens of other hilariously inept mistakes plague this film.

It's been called The Worst Movie of All Time, The Greatest of Unintentional Comedies, and The Greatest Cult Film Ever, and while these may be partially true the movie is absolutely entertaining. That, and i've seen movies much worse *coughManosHandsofFatecough*. This movie is Ed Wood's "Citizen Kane", and worthy of all the notoriety it gets.

Finally, we come to Ed Wood's Night Of The Ghouls

originally titled Dr. Acula, the movie stars Ken Duncan, Tor Johnson (once again as Lobo), Valda Hansen, and Paul Marco (as Patrolman Kelton). Filmed in 1959, the movie wasn't released until 1982!

Dr. Acula conducts seances for people to talk to their deceased loved ones, however Acula is a fraud and there are no ghosts at his house (the same building from Bride of The Monster; a wounded Lobo is now Acula's assistant). Kelton the cop is ordered to investigate the goings-on, but is scared because of his experience from Bride of The Monster. To everyone's fright, real ghosts show up and cause chaos for the seance.

This movie is BY FAR Ed Wood's best produced (and surprisingly shot extremely well with tons of great shots) which is a shame as it wasn't released for 3 decades. I've seen this movie parodied countless times, most notably an episode of "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" where they had a fake seance. This movie is pretty entertaining, and a nice ending to Ed Wood's mainstream film career, and after this he made monster nude films and then straight-up porn, but i'll go over more of his life in the next (and final) installment of the Ed Wood Legacy, the Tim Burton-directed biopic "ED WOOD". stay tuned!

Bride of The Monster: 8 out of 10.

Plan 9 From Outer Space: 10 out of 10

Night of The Ghouls 8.5 out of 10

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: ED WOOD'S LEGACY PART 2

2009-01-11T11:07:00.000-08:00

Like i said in my last installment on this series, I'm kind of stretching it when it comes to reviewing these two movies (after all, they aren't horror). But they are essential in explaining Ed Wood's quirky genius.

First up is Ed Wood's first feature film, "Glen or Glenda"

starring Bela Lugosi, Dolores Fuller (Ed Wood's then-girlfriend at the time), Lyle Talbot, Timothy Farrell, and Ed Wood himself (credited as "Daniel Davis") as the title character.

Originally under the titles "I Changed My Sex", "He or She", and "I Led Two Lives", this movie was planned to be a biopic about real-life person Christine Jourgenson, the world's first publicly known sex-change recipient. However, once Ed Wood was hired, he changed it to be a movie about himself, and his love of dressing in women's clothing. Bela Lugosi gets top billing as "The Scientist", a weird character who serves as an all-knowing figure who we assume is suppose to be God. He narrates over the other characters lives, and is able to change the course of the story. Glen is trying to get the courage to tell his girlfriend Barbara about his secret transvestism, but he's scared how she will react. The movie also has ANOTHER narration by Timothy Farrell, who makes it seem like a documentary and a film at the same time.This is easily one of the most bizarre movie's i've ever seen. 20% of the running time (the movie is only 68 minutes long) is stock footage of cars, bison running, shots from WWII, and airplanes. They weirdest part of the film is a 15 minute nightmare scene, which is bewildering and at times really disturbing. Bela Lugosi's narration doesn't help, as he keeps saying cryptic lines that make no sense... such as:

"Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys... Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS... Beware... Take care... Beware!"

"Pull the strings! PULL THE STRINGS!!!"

After watching this movie, I really have to applaud Ed Wood. He had the balls to make a film about something really taboo, and make himself the subject character. He was telling the world not to judge others, and to accept everyone's quiks no matter what they are. This is probably the most heartfelt and personal movie of any director i've ever seen.

Up next is Ed Wood's tribute to crime noir gangster films, "Jail Bait"

which once again stars Dolores Fuller, Timothy Farrell, and Lyle Talbot and bringing in Steve Reeves (star of the famous "Hercules" series) and Herbert Rawlinson in his last performance (he died the morning after filming his last scene). It was originally titled "Hidden Faces" (one thing worth mentioning now is that every single Ed Wood movie had their title changed at the last minute).

The movie centers around Don and Vick, two guys on the wrong side of the law. Don, the epitome of a "good-for-nothing kid", is the son of world famous plastic surgeon Dr. Boris Gregor. Vic one night shoots a cop after Vick robs a safe inside a theatre house, and they try to hide from the cops as long as possible. Vick kills Don, and orders his father to perform plastic surgery on Vick so he can no longer be identified after having a different face.

This movie, co-written with screen legend Alex Gordon, is probably the most competent film Ed Wood made, with the least amount of mistakes and weirdness. It's just an average crime noir, that keeps your interest the whole way through. Strangely enough, the tagline is "She's a good girl... to leave alone!" although none of the female characters are the focus of the story, or even do anything dangerous.

There is one scene i can't forget to mention... about 15 minutes or so in the movie, it cuts to a minstrel show with one of the most hilariously racist characters i've ever seen named Cotton Watts. But this scene is unrelated to anything before or after, and this comical scene is in stark contrast to the deadly serious mood of the rest of the movie. No one mentions it at any point of the film. It's like it's a scene from another movie, that was accidentally added in.

If you see Jail Bait to be an example of Ed Wood's awful film-making, you're going to be dissapointed as it isn't THAT bad. Not to say it isn't, but it at least is somewhat legitamite.

Ah.. the ratings. Well, for this series i've decided to judge each film on their creativity, their originality, and their all-around entertainment value. I will NOT be judging them on their quality.

Glen or Glenda: 8 out of 10.

Jail Bait: 6 out of 10.

tune in next time when i'll go over Ed Wood's most famous movies, his horror trilogy cosisting of Bride Of The Monster, the infamous Plan 9 From Outer Space, and Night of The Ghouls. See ya then!

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: ED WOOD'S LEGACY (PART 1)

2009-01-07T22:29:00.001-08:00

Madman. Visionary. Genius. Lunatic.

"The Worst Director of All Time".

Edward D. Wood Jr.'s been called a lot of things in his life, but one thing is for certain is that he had an undying passion for moviemaking, and he let no one stop him in his quest to get what was in his head on film. Too bad what showed up on film was a bit on the bizarre side.

He's kind of like the original Uwe Boll, except Ed Wood's movies were at least entertaining and unique, and not entirely pieces of crap.

What most people remember Ed Wood for besides being a god-awful filmmaker is that he was a cross-dresser; he even wore a bra and panties in World War II as a paratrooper, more afraid of getting wounded and the medics discovering his secret then getting killed in combat!

But through all of his films, most famously "Glen or Glenda?", "Bride of The Monster", and "Plan 9 From Outer Space", while it is indeed evident that he pretty much had no clue what he was doing it is clear that the man had a vision.

I have seen movies FAR worse than the ones he's made. In fact, i'd go as far to say that the man is a genius artist, that if he were given actors who could actually act (except for the always amazing Bela Lugosi) and the right amount of money his movies would have been brilliant. His movies are works of art out of absurdity, way ahead of their time. Without him, we wouldn't have Tim Burton, David Lynch, or Jon Waters. With him, the world of cinema is stranger and more bizarre (for better or worse).

Next posts, i'll be reviewing some of his films (just got his awesome ED WOOD COLLECTION BOXSET for christmas). First up are his debut film "Glen or Glenda?" and his overlooked crime drama "Jail Bait".

(ok, so technically they aren't horror films, but A: I need to start at the beginnning to get to his horror films and B. Like fellow movie reviewer James "Cinemassacre" Rolfe said, they are "so fucked up, they might as well be horror films).

tune in next time...

(credit to James Rolfe, Cinemassacre, for his excellent Ed Wood-A-Thon two part review on Spike.com, he did a great job)

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: 6 GREATEST HORROR COMICS

2008-12-31T16:16:00.000-08:00

greetings, legion of the undead. The Cr(yp)tic here, and i've decided to take a break from movie reviews for now and go over what i believe to be the greatest comics of the Horror genre.

6. The Walking Dead
The pinnacle of Zombie comics, Robert Kirkman's magnum opus shows in a realistic way what would befall upon the world if a zombie outbreak occured. This series is more about the survivors than straight-up gore, and has unpredicatible twists and turns. One things for sure: don't get too attached to any character. They WILL die, just to let you know.

5. Hellboy/BPRDThis list would be incomplete without this one. Hellboy and it's spin-off series BPRD supplies the scares and thrills every month, and never lets up. And with two successful movies under it's belt, Hellboy is more popular than ever. BPRD is my favorite of the two, i enjoy the team dynamic.

4. Swamp ThingTaking comics into a literary level, Alan Moore's first comic was a sign of good things to come. Not neccisarily the scariest comic, but there's enough terrifying atmosphere here (and deep, emotional thinking) to supply anyone's taste.

3. Hack/SlashWhat Tim Seeley has done with this series is completely unique: He took the slasher genre, stripped it to it's core, and evolved it to new heights of awesomeness. Cassie Hack and Vlad are slasher-hunters, saving us regular joes from the nightmarish teen camp killers. Great, fun, sexy, gorey, hilarious, highly entertaining series.

2. Army of DarknessJust like the original Evil Dead series it is based off of, this series has absolutely no limits. Whether our chainsaw-handed hero is fighting the Marvel Zombies, Herbert West: Reanimator, Darkman, Dracula, or even Xena: Warrior Princess (yes, you read that last one right) Ash always comes out on top, only to be thrown into an even crazier situation. Highly recommended.

1. Hellblazerwith over 250 issues to it's name, John Constantine's series is both the longest running horror series and the most successful. THe series is able to go to dark depths that no one sees coming, and John Constantine will always be there to strike up a cigarrette, give it the finger, and totally kick it's ass.

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

2008-12-27T13:54:00.001-08:00

welcome to another review of all things Horror- the old and the new, the great and the shitty, and the famous and obscure.

Today, we have a movie that faced it's share of distrubiting issues this year and saw a VERY limited release. That would be Clive Barker's The Midnight Meat Train.
The movie stars Bradley Cooper (otherwise known as Jim Carrey's best friend in "Yes Man"), Leslie Bibb (the hot reporter in the beginning of "Iron Man") and Vinnie Jones (Juggernaut in X-Men 3/ the crazy rugby player in Eurotrip).

Bradley Cooper plays a photographer who saves a woman from being raped, but the next day she goes missing. When he goes to investigate, he believes that a vicious killer (named Mahogany, played by Vinni Jones) who is killing those who take the midnight subway ride. The deeper he investigates, the more the mute Mahogany catches on that he is being watched and followed. So the photographer decides to catch the midnight train, and finds more at the last stop than he could possibly imagine.The biggest thing about this movie is the twist ending, which everyone is on the fence about it. People either think that it is sheer genius, or it completely ruins the movie. Personally, i think the ending is great, and definitely makes the movie unique.

Another thing about this movie, seeing as how it's a Clive Barker movie, it is very very very very very very bloody.But what do you expect? Vinnie Jones did a fantastic job, and is actually a really good slasher.This movie isn't perfect, however. It has a very small budget, and at times it shows. Also, a lot of the blood and gore is CGI, which is a big no-no in my book (i'm a big fan of practical special effects). Either way, it's still a great and enjoyable movie that really has it's own unique voice and vision.

overall grade: 7.5/10

The Horror Cr(yp)tic: PUMPKINHEAD

2008-12-26T09:44:00.000-08:00

Hello, and welcome to the first of many reviews for horror both new and old, great and shitty, and famous and obscure. To start things off, i've decided to review a film i haven't seen in years that i just rewatched, the classic "Pumpkinhead" starring Lance Henrickson and the directorial debut of Monster-Maker expert, Stan Winston (who also designed the titular monster).

an extremely underappreciated movie of the "slasher" genre, Pumpkinhead is based off of a poem by Ed Justin of the same name:

Keep away from Pumpkinhead,

Unless you're tired of living,

His enemies are mostly dead,

He's mean and unforgiving,

Laugh at him and you're undone,

But in some dreadful fashion,

Vengeance, he considers fun,

And plans it with a passion,

Time will not erase or blot,

A plot that he has brewing,

It's when you think that he's forgot,

He'll conjure your undoing,

Bolted doors and windows barred,

Guard dogs prowling in the yard,

Won't protect you in your bed,

Nothing will,

from Pumpkinhead.

The movie itself stars Lance Henrickson as Ed Harley, a man who runs a roadside store in the middle of the deep, deep south with his son. A group of teenagers from the city arrive, and while racing dirtbikes (when Lance leaves) one of the kids, who was drunk, ran his bike into Ed Harley's son, killing him. Ed Harley swears to get revenge, so upon meeting with an old witch named Haggis, he conjurs the utterly terrifying demon known as Pumpkinhead, but not without a price.

Pumpkinhead and Ed Harley are connected, being that whatever one experiences the other feels as well. Ed swears to go back on creating the monster, so he sets out to save the kids who he doomed in the first place. The kids, on the other hand, want to go help Ed because of remorse for killing his son on accident, but the one who killed the kid was drunk and on parole and refuses to go to Jail. What follows is Pumpkinhead doing what he does best: killing the shit out of everything. This movie is fantastic in that it's one of the few slasher movies that fits in the genre but breaks every rule. There is actually very little gore, absolutely no sex or nudity, and it's one of the few horror movies of the genre with a central theme: what is the price you have to pay for something that was an honest mistake?

I really have to applaud Stan Winston studios. They knocked it out of the park designing Pumpkinhead. Yeah, a crazy teen killer with a knife and mask is pretty scary, but an 8-foot tall demon from hell is downright terrifying.

The greatest thing about this movie is that it takes itself so seriously. It isn't corny at all, and the people feel real instead of stereotypes which plague this genre often. Stan Winston did a phenemenol job directing, and i will miss him greatly for all he contributed to the world of film (Stan Winston passed away a few months ago).

overall grade: 8.5/10

"I Went On The Show, Because I Thought She'd Be Watching."

2008-12-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

ladies and gentlemen, I have just seen the greatest film of 2008, and one of the best movies i've ever seen in my whole life:

"SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE" from Danny Boyle, the director of "Trainspotting" and "28 Days Later".

The movie is the story of Jamal Malik, a young "slumdog" (lowest, poorest class of citizen) from Mumbai, India. The movie is non-linear, starting in the present for brief periods of time and intercutting flashbacks from the past for long periods of time. Jamal is a contestant on India's version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and although he has never has had very little education he manages to have earned more money than anyone in the program's history. The police believe that he is cheating, and beat him mercilessly to find out if he was cheating.

But Jamal is not a cheater, and he has a unique way of getting the answers: he has a flawless photographic memory, and each question he is asked is a link to an important moment in his past. Because of this bit of information, a large portion of the film is in flashbacks to his life in India's slums, where he disovers a clue that is a question asked.

In his life, the only close family he has are his older brother Salim, who is antagonistic and rude and eventually gets involved in Mumbai's organized crime family; and a girl from the slums named Latika. Jamal is in love with Latika, and makes it his life goal to be with her as he believes that their destiny is to be together forever. When he discovers she moved, she moves there too. When he discovers she is trapped in child trafficking, he attempts to rescue her. When she rejects him, but at the same time he discovers she loves Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Jamal becomes a contestant just so he can somehow get to her, tracing back to what i said originally where he wins more money than anyone, but the stakes are raised when he doesn't know the answer to the last question.

This movie is downright BEAUTIFUL. When the characters suffer, you want to cry. When they achieve, you want to stand up in your seat and cheer for them. Another great thing about this movie is that the love story feels real. It doesn't at all feel like a steriotypical Hollywood romance, it feels like real and raw people who honestly love each other body and soul.

This movie absolutely, no doubt about it, gets my choice as the best movie of 2008 (it won the Critic's Choice award too). It beats "Iron Man". It beats "Burn After Reading". And yes, dare i say, it beats "The Dark Knight" as the best film of the year. It's a classic that will be in my top favorites until the day I die, and I can't wait to see it again, and again, and again.

The Golden Age: A retrospective on the Justice Society of America

2008-12-18T20:19:00.001-08:00

Back in my Starman 101's (read them if you haven't) i mentioned that Jack and Ted both belonged to a team known as the Justice Society of America. But just who is the JSA?

For a team that doesn't get a whole lot of recognition (but loads of respect in comic-circles) the JSA are hands down the most important team in comics history. Why?

They were the first ever superhero team, created in 1940. Still going strong today, and they are equal to The Doom Patrol as my favorite superhero teams (foreshadowing Doom Patrol 101? I think so). 3 Starmen (Ted, Jack, and Thom) and Stargirl (Courtney Whitmore) have been members of the JSA, so i will not go over them because i already did in Starman 101. That would be redundant.

The team was created in All-Star Comics #3 in 1940, a year after the creation of Superman.

Aside from being the first ever superhero team, this issue was the first time EVER that one superhero met another. All those guys on the front? They weren't the only members. Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman were all members too, but they were deemed "too popular" to appear regularly so they basically just showed up whenever they felt like it. Wonder Woman did appear quite often though.

Since then, there have been many incarnations of the team. One thing i love about this team that the line-up never really changes, it's just that new people wear the originals uniforms or carry on their legacy somehow.

Next, I'll go over the legacies of the team members.

Green Lantern: Alan Scott was the original GL, but unrelated to the rest that came after. Y'know the deal= magic ring lets him conjure up whatever his mind desires into Green energy. One thing worth noting is that while the other GL's rings aren't able to affect the color yellow or work when they have fear, Alan's ring doesn't work against wood. Also, what's up with his costume? He's called the Green Lantern, but he has red shoes and shirt, a purple cape and mask, and the only part of his costume that is Green is his pants? Way to pull a Blue Raja on us, there.

The Flash: Jay Garrick was the original Flash, and mentored the following Flashes that wore the more traditional red bodysuit. I was always a big fan of the second Flash (Barry Allen) and while Jay is cool, he's kind of uninteresting in my opinion and one of my least favorite JSA members. But i still like him.
The Spectre: I have always been a fan of this guy. He is the spirit of vengeance, forced to live in the body of deceased cop Jim Corrigan. What are his powers? well... seeing as how he's The Spirit of Vengeance, The Angel of Death, and God's Right Hand of Judgement, what makes the Spectre such a unique character is that he has THE POWERS OF GOD HIMSELF. That's right. He literally has the power to do anything. He does have limits though: He can only use his powers where God permits. So although he can kill you by looking at you, he can only do it if you are a murdering sinner or rapist or something. Great character (check out his series by John Ostrander, it's good stuff).

Hawkman: You'd be hard pressed to find many comic-book characters more badass than Hawkman. Carter Hall has an interesting life, and an extremely confusing comics history. Is he the cursed Egyptian pharoah, cursed to live forever in different bodies? Is he an alien police officer from the planet Thanagar? Is it both? Currently it's both (... i think...) but regardless, Carter rocks. He's got weightless weapons made of Nth Metal that cut pretty much rival Wolverine's adamantium. Also, the dude's got centuries worth of combat experience. Bottom line: you don't fuck with Hawkman.Dr. Fate: By far, the JSA member with the coolest costume. Kent Nelson's deal is he's got that helmet, the Helm of Nabu, that makes him an unstoppable Sorceror. His comics always were kind of creepy, and he had to fight some really dark characters. But who cares about his story, he's too busy looking fucking awesome.Hourman and Liberty Belle: One of the most interesting couples in comics, personally. Hourman, Rick Tyler, gets superhuman strength, speed, invulnerability, precognitive visions, and more when he takes a drug called Miraclo. The downside is that his powers only last for an hour. I have no idea why, but aside from Starman and Sandman he might be my favorite JSA member. His wife, Liberty Belle, is often described as "The All-American Powerhouse". Jesse Chambers has superhuman strength (weaker than Hourman), speed (way faster than Hourman), and she used to be able to fly but i've never seen her do it lately. For a time, she was the only female Flash when she had the name Jesse Quick. Both of them are awesome characters.Sandman: like i mentioned in the last paragraph, Starman and Hourman and this guy are my favorite JSA members. Sandman is cool because he's the most basic character: just a guy with a gas-mask and a gun full of knockout gas. His comics, Sandman Mystery Theater, is crazy good. He's unrelated to the Spider-Man villian and the character from Neil Gaiman's famous Sandman series, so Wesley Dodds here is usually pushed off to the side by those two. I still think he rules either wayThe Atom: The original Atom, Al Pratt, sucked. I'm sorry, but he did. A little guy in a blue mask with explosive punches? yeah, of the founding members he was the worst. His successor, however (the size-changing Atom, Ray Palmer) is one of my favorite superheroes. In the JSA, Al has had two successors, Damage (his son) and Atom-Smasher (his god-son).

Damage, Grant Emerson, is on the current JSA, and although i never liked him to start he's grown on me. He has Al Pratt's power of explosive energy release, so he can punch you then detonate your face. Speaking of messed-up faces, His face was butchered beyond repair by the Flash villiam Zoom, and since then hides his face behind Al's old blue mask.

Atom-Smasher, Albert Rothstein, has the power to grow to monstrously tall heights (as opposed to the other Atom, Ray Palmer, who shrinks to microscopic size).He has a replica of Al's mask that he wears. Of the two, i always liked Atom-Smasher more. Growing over 40 feet tall is kind of a rad power.Jakeem Thunder and Thunderbolt: Now here is an odd character. The original was Johnny Thunder, a kid with a genie who had limitless power only if ordered by Johnny. Soon after, Johnny and the genie merged, creating Thunderbolt, and was passed on to guard a young innercity kid named Jakeem Williams. They are definitely unique, but not anywhere near my favorite JSA members.
Black Canary: Without a doubt, my all-time favorite female superhero. Dinah Lance is just so hardcore, it's mindboggling. Hell, she beat Batman in a fist fight! She is a expert martial artist, and she has an ultrasonic scream like that kid in X-Men 2. She's also married to Green Arrow. I'm a HUGE fan of her. Doctor Mid-Nite: It's a common thing in comics to have a character's name start with "Mr." or "Dr.", don't ask me why because i can't give you an answer. What makes Doctor Mid-Nite different from the rest is that, ironically, he's an actual doctor who serves as the team's medic and surgeon. He is blind in the daylight, but can see superhumanly well in the dark (not unlike Riddick from the movie Pitch Black). He also carries around "Blackout Bombs" that only he can see through and he's got a pet owl. Neat guy.Power Girl: Kara Zor-L is the adult version of Supergirl, making her Superman's cousin from another reality (not going into specifics with that, it's complicated). She has all of Superman's powers, at his level of power. She is one of the most popular female superheroes, she's constantly cosplayed at Comi-Cons, she was name-dropped in an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and she's most famous for having the biggest breasts in all of superhero comics (sometimes drawn to the point of being ridiculous). I know a lot of people like her, and while I do like her, i'm not a hardcore fan. She's too "girl body-builder" for me.

Mr. Terrific: Michael Holt is carrying the legacy of Mr. Terrific, but amping it up considerably. He has no powers, but he is the 3rd smartest man in the world and an olympic level athlete. If he had a power, it's basically that he's just really good at everything. He has these floating Spheres around him to perform a number of functions, the most famous being that Michael is invisible to all electronics, which is actually kind of cool. One thing i never understood about him is that he's noteworthy for being the biggest Atheist in comics, yet his teammate The Spectre has God's power. I never got that, he's around it every day! What a stubborn dousche.

Wildcat: A former heavyweight boxer, Ted Grant is a fucking badass. His power is that, like a cat, he has nine lives (though i believe he's used a few). That, and he has the uncanny power to beat the shit out of you. His job is to train all of the other recruits in fist-fighting. He's a lovable tough guy, the JSA's answer to The Thing from the Fantastic Four.

Obsidian: Alan Scott's son Todd Rice. Todd has the power to turn himself into a shadow-form, and to control darkness. Pretty cool power (though he's got nothing on The Shade). He serves as the security guard for the JSA headquarters, so he doesn't really show up a whole lot unless the fight leads directly to HQ. What makes him famous is that he was one of the first ever openly gay superheroes. S.T.R.I.P.E.: Stargirl's step-dad Pat Dugan, he's famous for being the only adult sidekick to a teenage hero. He's got a swee-as-hell armored suit, like Iron Man turned up to 11. Really cool character, that packs serious firepower.

Now, I left out a few more (Mr. America, Amazing-Man, Judomaster, Citizen Steel) but i think that was enough for today.

check back in soon, as i'll start my-

DOOM PATROL 101.

read it when i have it up, i'm going to go all out with that one.

The Weather Outside is Frightful...

2008-12-17T20:24:00.001-08:00

Oh, Christmas.

By far, the biggest holiday of the year.

Mixed emotions are all i have over this important holiday.

When the doors to the nearest store are opened that terrible, terrible day known as Black Friday, swarming and screeching masses grasp lustfully for the new "IT" gadget, or the new "IN" toy. In a time, when money is important above most everything else, why subject ourselves to this?

Seriously, Why? Is it because we've become used to just seeing Christmas as an excuse to get something that's fucking awesome but might break or be replaced with a newer model in months?

CHRISTMAS SHOULDN'T BE ABOUT THE GODDAMN GIFTS.

Why in the hell is handing someone something you bought them and saying a nonchalant "Merry Christmas" adequate? Is that all that this holiday season has brought us?

I don't believe that. I believe that Christmas should be about celebrating the harmony between friends and family.

Another thing i need to point out: I don't like receiving gifts (as if you couldn't tell already). But i do like buying them for people. I don't WANT anything. I believe that if i want something, I'll buy it with my own money. However, I do love getting things for people.

on a more happy side, I do love this time of year, and the general sense of love and happiness that surrounds these weeks like a frosty aura. That, and I make it my goal to watch what are in my opinion the three greatest Christmas movies ever.
Christmas Story
Nationan Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
The Original version of Miracle on 34th Street.
... and just for the hell of it, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

I LOVE CHRISTMAS. But it ain't perfect.

so all in all...
Merry Christmas. Every-One.

What is Horror-Punk?

2008-12-11T14:09:00.000-08:00

I've always loved the darker side of life. Ever since i was a kid, Halloween was the best time of the year because ghouls, ghosts, and other nightmarish things haunted every corner. I've always loved Horror movies and lots of other creepy shit. So a few years ago, i discovered Horror-Punk, and let me tell you right now that there is not one genre of music I love and adore more than this

Horror music traces it's origins deep into the start of rock 'n roll, from Black Sabbath and Alice Cooper to tales of Blues Musicians selling their souls to the devil. But in the late 70's/early 80's a group from Lodi, New Jersey decided to put Horror as their focus, giving birth to the first ever Horror-Punk band, The Misfits.

They crafted a sound unlike any other punk band at the time. When most bands, like The Dead Kennedys and Ramones, were making songs on a more political/angry agenda, The Misfits had songs like "Astro-Zombies", "Death Comes Ripping", "Halloween", and "Teenagers From Mars". Their songs were not meant to be taken seriously, and just meant to have fun escaping to a world beyond the grave. Their original singer, Glenn Danzig, had a unique voice which became one of the trademarks of the genre sometimes referred to as an "Evil Elvis" singing style. The band broke up in the 80's, but reformed to mixed acclaim in the 90's with new singer Michale Graves of the band Gotham Road. A lot of people hate this period of the Misfits chronology, but I like both and actually the Graves-era CD "Cuts From The Crypt" is my favorite CD the Misfits have ever done. So i guess i'm in the minority, having the Graves-era as my favorite.

Because of the Misfits, Horror-Punk has blown up and become a giant underground musical movement. All bands have the same distinct characteristics: a doo-woppy singing style accompanied by ripping guitars, "WHOA"s thrown in constantly as hooks, lyrics of monsters and demons that tell a complete story sometimes even with a bit of humor thrown in for good measure. Most of all, to appreciate Horror-Punk you have to be in love with shlocky horror movies (be it Atomic-Age goofiness of the '50's, or the Splattery '80's Slasher/Zombie scene). All in all, Horror Punk is about having fun.

Another great Horror-Punk band is Blitzkid. With a mixture of the Misfits' style and AFI's energy, they have crafted a unique that many think will give them the honor of being the greatest Horror-Punk band of the 21st Century. I love this band so goddamn much, i have every song they crafted and know most of them by heart.

They are playing a show in March that a friend of mine's band is opening for, so hopefully i'll be able to meet them or something. All in all, Blitkid rules. end of story.

Calabrese is worth a listening, without a doubt.

One of the most powerful bands musically, with EASILY the coolest merchandise of any band ever, Calabrese fucking rocks. They sound like an old horror movie poster come to life. Check 'em out, and give them your souls!

And finally, One of the more obscure Horror-Punk but worth mention is a band known as Mister Monster.

They call their style "Boo-Wop" and it fits. MM is a bit more on the bluesy/romantic side, their songs are generally slower, but still retaining the horror motif. The only downside to them is that the singer's voice gets a little getting used to. But after that, you'll appreciate their discography a lot more. it's worth it.

The 69 Eyes are from Finland, and one of my favorites.

Mixing Horror-Punk with Metal and Old-school Goth, The 69 Eyes have a unique style.

Give 'em a listen, goddamn it!

Other Horror Punk bands worth checking out are:

Shadow Reichenstein

The Crimson Ghosts

The Rosedales

The Other

Zombeast

Nim Vind

Die Monster Die

Rezurex

LONG LIVE THE HORROR

Starman 101 Finale: Conversations With Dead People (and Farewells)

2008-12-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

And here we come to the end of the Starman 101, and i have decided to tell you my favorite part of the series for the end.

In the course of the series, there are several types of issues. There are standard issues, annuals, spin offs for Nash and The Shade, Times Past issues (chronicling the adventures of another Starman) and the absolute highlight of the series, and the reason it became my #1 obsession:

the Talking With David issues.

thanks to a strange curse over Opal City, Jack is visited once a year by the ghost of his dead brother David in one-shot issues where they discuss there lives, and their relationship. These issues are great for the coloring (David being the only thing in color) and for the characterization, which is some of the deepest i've ever read.
This happens every year for the duration of the series, in different ways. One time, David confronts Jack and they go on a strange pirate adventure when the ghost of the villian The Black Pirate appears in the afterlife.
By far, though, the most heartbreaking scene in the whole series to me is when Jack confronts his mother who passed away from cancer when he was a child. It makes me weep everytime i read it, absolutely beautiful writing.
Another great Talking With David, probably the best, is when Jack confronts the deceased members of his father's Justice Society. He has a great discussion with second-stringer Mr. Terrific:
and another with The Red Bee, a teen sidekick who always felt as though he was ignored and more famous guys like Hourman and Dr. Fate got more credit.
At the end of the series, in the final Talking With David, Jack meets with his father who dies fighting his enemy The Mist one last time.
and he isn't alone. Another person shows up: Kyle, The Mist's son, whom Jack killed in the beginning of the series.
And with that, Jack decides to retire when his girlfriend Sadie wants them to start a family down in San Francisco with their two kids. He says his goodbyes to The Shade, passes his uniform and Cosmic Rod to Courtney Whitmore, and drives off to start a family.
This is what makes Starman my #1 favorite thing ever. Most comics (in fact, almost all of them) never get an ending, but thankfully Jack's story has a beginning, middle, and end.

thanks for reading. Now go out and by the series. You won't regret it!!!

(credit to Scott Tipton from Comics 101 for the idea, and some of the scans)

Starman 101 Part 4: The Bad and The Wrong

2008-12-08T19:21:00.000-08:00

In terms of fiction, the more powerful the villian equals the more noble hero. Starman has one of the most impressive rogues galleries in all of comicdom, right up there with Batman, Spider-Man, and The Flash.

Ted Knight's nemesis, and the nemesis of the legacy itself, is The Mist.
A disembodies head with hands that floats around like smoke, The Mist is an interesting villian for sure, at least visually. In the Starman series, though, He has become senile, and has lapses of memory.
And when Ted finally confronts his archenemy for their final battle at the end of the series, The Mist breaks down and cries, knowing that he'll never have another chance to defeat his lifelong foe.
The Mist has two kids, Kyle (his son) and Nash (his daughter). Kyle is the man responsible for the murder of Jack's brother David, and what does Jack do when he finds Kyle? Well they have a battle in the sky and...
Jack totally fucks him up!

Upon hearing about her brothers death, Nash feels remorse because she let Jack go, and then he played a part in her brother's death. Mirroring Jack's choice, Nash gives herself her father's powers and becomes a criminal mastermind, and also Jack's archenemy for the remainder of the series. Nash is a psycho-bitch, for sure. Not only does she kill without remorse, but she even drugs Jack, rapes him, have his kid, and tells Jack that she is going to raise the child to hate Jack and eventually murder him. Harsh.
Ragdoll: Another great villian from the series, Ragdoll was an enemy of Ted's from a long time ago. With triple jointed limbs, he evaded attacks with unnatural precision. When his limbs get too strained and painful, Ragdoll discovers he is a phenomenal public speaker and leads Opal's crime society as their leader. He then becomes nicknamed the "Charles Manson of The Opal" for his ability to orchestrate the most heinous of crimes in his name.
Dr. Phosphorus: Now this guy looks like something that would be on the cover for a Manowar CD. With his skin constantly burning, the evil Doctor Phosphorus is a total dick. I think it's ironic that he's constantly scorching hot and James Robinson writes him as a chain-smoker. I thought it was clever.
Copperhead: A snake-like villian, Copperhead has never been much of a threat. He fights Jack once in the middle of the series, but i've always liked him so i decided he deserved a spot on the list. He's pretty well known for being on the cartoon Justice League.
The Royal Flush Gang: a group of criminals with a card motif, i always thought they were kind of cool for how lame they were. Jack fights them once, but the fight is really short and Jack basically beats the complete shit out of them. They also appeared on the Justice League cartoon.
Prairie Witch: A villian that appears way late in the series, she uses magic and guns to commit her crimes. There really isn't much to her, and i don't think she was in anything after Starman ended.
Johnny Sorrow: A villian of Ted's from his prime, Johnny Sorrow looks so badass. That floating mask over the red tux just rocks. When he removes his mask, everyone around him dies. Intense, for sure.
And that's it for the villians that populate Opal City. I have just one more Starman 101 lined up, and I saved the best for last...

Starman 101 Part 3: With A Little Help From My Friends

2008-12-08T15:08:00.000-08:00

Welcome Back to Starman 101. In Jack's mission to keep Opal City safe, he has found over the course of his story that he can't do it alone. One of the most well-connected and respected legacies in the DC comics universe, Jack meets up with a wide variety of friendly aquaintances both super-powered and not.

Jack's mentor through the series and one of the pimpest characters ever created is The Shade, a former Flash villian who vows to keep Opal safe (and he himself refuses to partake in crime in the Opal). He's an immortal nobleman with the power to control darkness and fear, and a total fucking badass. Besides Jack, he is hands down the coolest character in the series.

The O'Dares are a family of cops, and they aide Jack and Ted through the legality of superheroics. Basically they are to Jack as Commisioner Gordon is to Batman (though if he had like 7 Gordons).

Solomon Grundy aka Solly: A monstrous southern Zombie, who is reanimated in a different form everytime he dies. A Green Lantern villian, Solly becomes docile and befriends Jack. Most people remember Solly from Superfriends, famous for his line in the Cartoon Network commercial "Solomon Grundy want pants, too!". Who doesn't love Solly?

Jack isn't the only superhero who operates in Opal City, either. The first one is the Golden Age hero The Sandman, a guy with a gas mask and a gun full of knockout gas. One of my favorite comic book characters, he's just so badass. Really cool detective style stories, and his series Sandman Mystery Theatre is really good, too.

two more superheroes in Opal City are Elongated Man (Ralph Dibny). Black Condor, and Adam Strange. All three of them are awesome, especially Elongated Man (kind of like Mr. Fantastic from the Fantastic Four).

And there is no way i can do a blog about Starman without including his allies in The Justice Society of America.

the villians are up next. Stay tuned, I'm almost done!

Starman 101 Part 2: A Legacy Unlike Any Other

2008-12-07T12:16:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the 2nd edition of Starman 101. This time, we'll go over the characters from the series, but start off on the good guys. In particular, i'm going to go over first the different Starmen there have been over the years.

Jack Knight: like i mentioned in the last post, Jack Knight is the main character of the series. A collectible store owner, he has his father's legacy of Starman forced on him, and he has to mature into being a superhero. To me, Jack Knight is the most relatable, human comic book character i've ever seen (moreso even than Peter Parker/Spider-Man). Here's a couple scenes, and judge for yourself.
Ted Knight: Jack's Father, the original Starman and a member of the original Justice Society, the first ever Superhero team. Though Starman is my favorite superhero legacy (hell, there's like 9 of them) Ted has by far the worst costume in all of superheroics. Seriously, look at that thing!
it's a horrible costume! But regardless, He's the original, and also one of the best characters in the series. (yeah... that is a lion's head in the bottom frame...)

David Knight, another Starman, wore the same costume that Ted wears but with a Green fin-mask instead of a red one.

Oh right... I did just mention that there has been around 9 Starmen in total.
Let's start off with one of the best, Mikaal Tomas, the Starman of the 1970's.
The Starman aside from Jack who gets the most exposure in the series, Mikaal is pretty cool. He is an alien (if the blue skin wasn't a clue) with an amulet in his ribcage that has the same effect as Jack's Cosmic Rod.

Another famous Starman is Prince Gavyn, an alien noble. He is famous for dying in Crisis on Inifinite Earths, appearing on Justice League Unlimited, and not much else.

Yet another Starman, the one of the 80's, was Will Payton. His tenure was really long (almost as long as Jack's) but the thing about his comic was that the stories were interesting but unremarkable, and the art was good but far from astounding. So Will was the archetype of mediocrity.

The current person who has the name "Starman" is none other than Thom Kallor, a member of the new Justice Society. Thom is a really cool character, with a sweet-ass costume. He's from the future (a member of the Legion of Superheroes, too) and when he crossed into our timeline he lost his mind, going absolutely batshit crazy. Neat guy.

Though Thom is the bearer of the Starman name, technically he isn't the one who's continuing the traditition (he is in his own timeline, though). That would be who in my opinion is the 3rd coolest of the legacy behind Jack and Mikaal, who is none other than Courtney Whitmore aka Stargirl. Jack gives her his Cosmic Rod at the end of the series, letting the legacy of the Knight family continue through her, as he deems her worthy to carry on the name (albeit with a different gender). She is fucking awesome, and both her and Thom are on the current Justice Society.

The Starman of 1951: hm... where do i begin? Well, in 1951 a new Starman appeared for awhile, and was never seen again. Rumors pointed to him being Dr. Mid-Nite, another JSAer, in disguise, and that is only half true. There were two men as the Starman of 1951, Mid-Nite and one other person. I won't spoil it for you, but all i'll say is that he is someone very close to Jack Knight. And you know what? I think HE might actually have the worst costume...

And that is the legacy of Starman. Next time, i'll go over the supporting characters of the series, like the O'Dare family and The Shade. In addition, I'll go over the other heroes who populate Opal City and help Jack along the way. See ya then!

Starman 101: Remember The Stars, Oh How They Shone

2008-12-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

Everyone has something they obsess over. Some people have Star Trek. Or Star Wars. Some people have a band, where they have to obtain everything they ever created. Or Ninja Turtles. Or even something like The Munsters.

My obsession? That would have to be the comic book series STARMAN by James Robinson.

Starman tells the tale of a young man named Jack Knight, a collectibles/antique store owner. He also happens to be the son of the superhero Starman, Ted Knight. His father is past his prime, as he operated as Starman in the 1940's/1950's, a period known in comics as The Golden Age.
He needed a successor, so he passed his Starman costume and Cosmic Rod (Starman's trademark weapon) to his other son David, as Jack wanted nothing to do with the legacy.

That is, until David is murdered a week into his career by the son of Ted's old nemesis, The Mist.

As the city is being destroyed in a wave of crime, it's up to the unheroic Jack to take up the mantle and become the newest Starman. Jack is unlike any other superhero: He is self-centered, a punk, and has a strong conviction not to die above everything else. His costume is unique, too:
A leather jacket and flare goggles over his clothes.

Over the course of the story, Jack has to grow up from black sheep to favorite son, and mature into a hero. The book is brilliant in it's way of having Jack grow up through the series. Another great thing about this series is that everything happens for a reason, and that the characterization is unlike anything in almost any other book. Even the smallest of characters you care about.

Another unique thing about the comic is the city. Opal City becomes a character in itself, a living breathing metropolis that seems as real as Seattle or New York, though it's fictional like Gotham City.
next blog, i'll go over in greater detail the cast of characters (the good, and the bad). See ya then.

to start things off...

2008-12-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings all, and welcome to my blog!

My name is Arron "Double R" Jenkins. I was born on September 20th, 1988 in the city of Puyallup, Washington. I want to be a writer, so having a blog seemed like a logical way to help.

My favorite bands are HIM, King's X, Faith No More, Blitzkid, The Misfits, Calabrese, The Smithereens, AFI, Black Sabbath, Cradle of Filth, Soul Asylum, Clutch, Turbonegro, and many others.

Some of my favorite films are Oldboy, Pan's Labyrinth, The Dark Knight, Jacob's Ladder, Chasing Amy, The Monster Squad, Road To Perdition, Superman I & II, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Singles, A Nightmare On Elm Street, and many others.

My favorite television shows are Freaks and Geeks, Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Venture Brothers, The Simpsons, Metalocalypse, Justice League Unlimited, Challenge of The Superfriends, and very little else (don't watch a whole lot of TV).

The writers I idolize are Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, James Robinson, Hubert Selby Jr., Alan Moore, Joss Whedon, Kevin Smith, Chuck Palaniuk, Clive Barker, and many, many more.

so now you know a bit about me. Check in more often, because i'll update pretty frequently. Thanks for stopping by!